Well, technically. Today was orientation for medical school and my first class begins tomorrow morning, bright and early. Now before you ask about the weird timing (today is June 20), I am in a four-year combined degree program—MD and MPH (Master’s of Public Health)—which means my scheduling is a little different from the traditional MD programs that usually start in the fall. Why I chose to do this program will likely be a whole other blog post, but baby steps, baby steps…
*snaps self back to the topic at hand* Orientation, yes yes.
Long day. I’ll give you a brief description of all the super duper exciting things I sat through: Welcome…you is smart, you is kind, you is special (in other words, of course)…do this in medical school…don’t do that in medical school…stats about the class of 2020…you represent us now AKA don’t get publicly shwasted…professionalism…don’t walk alone at night…don’t waste your $1,000,000,000 loans on coffee…etc etc etc. The information was definitely necessary and it actually wasn’t too boring (shoutout to my school for having some really engaging speakers) BUT that’s not what I’m here to tell you about reeeeally.
I want to (attempt to) express how I felt on this monumental day. At first, just tired from being up early, lol. But that soon changed. Walking into a room full of chattering peers was relieving. I was anxious that my classmates would be socially inept bookworms who know nothing outside of what you can find in a McGraw Hill textbook, but gladly I was sooooo wrong. My classmates are pretty awesome. Even in the short while I’ve known them, I’ve picked up on open, energetic, funny, engaging energies—and there’s nothing more refreshing than knowing these next four years will be spent alongside RELATABLE INDIVIDUALS with passions and interests and lives outside of medicine…basically normal human beings (like me, haha).
Let’s keep a tally of emotions before I move any further…tired, relief, and next shock. Just utter shock. That I had ACTUALLY made it. That my butt was literally sitting in a chair in front of physicians telling me that my training is beginning now. Real life doctors telling me I’m going to be a real life doctor. Every single moment in my life has shaped me to be in this place, at this time, doing this particular thing. But then the doubt quickly came…what if I don’t pass a class next semester, or what if I get burnt out, or what if I don’t have what it takes to get through these formative years?
“If God brought you to it, He’ll bring you through it,” and He hasn’t failed me yet…why would He start now? And of course the journey won’t always be easy, but…“God never said the weapons wouldn’t form, He just promised they wouldn’t prosper.” So I quickly threw those debilitating thoughts away, and basked in the moment. I probably looked so stupid grinning in my seat during the presentation on federal loans, but I couldn’t help but be grateful and just thank God at that time. Grateful for everyone and everything that has impacted me, encouraged me, hurt me (strange, I know), and supported me all my life. The good and the bad were both needed to make me into this woman; this wide-eyed, 21-year old medical student (I’m one of the youngest in my class beeteedubs, talk about pressure sheesh) with so much to learn and nothing to lose.
And so…my first day of medical school came and went and I got this pull on my heart to document it, and share it with the world. And so I did. And here I am.
I don’t know where this blog will (or won’t) take me. I don’t really have a complete vision for it yet. I’m taking things day by day and hopefully God will put another nudge on my heart sometime soon (I pray He gives me some direction this time, haha). But for now, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Peace & love (& medicine & God & new beginnings),
“The I.T. Factor”
Future Badass MD.